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things i write down when i want them off my mind


.:12 days of me:.

On the first day she wanted to scream
sec0nd wasnt picked for the team
thurd is neither missed nore hurd
4orth coming to return tears
fiv3 tissues filled with fears
six pills, sharp an shinny
se\/in beer cans on the floor
e!th chants never more
nine regrets held inside
t3n runs to hide
Elevin wants to die
t\/\/elv says “goodbye”

Do you ever get that feelin
when your lookin at a full moon
that theres someone for you
looking up at the same moon
and for that quick moment
you get one step closer to finding eachother
Somedays I dont like to look,
it hurts too much to know that Im stuck here
only a strange mirical could bring us together
I wish that that someone would figure it out
an hurry up before I throw my life away,

~Back to my grave

a matter of time
waiting for a sign
thoughts inside my head
drift away instead
haunting my spirit i dont want to hear it
cant seem to find the light
maybe theres no end in sight
no sanctuary from myself
a place to run and hide
to free me from my cage
my rollercoster ride
my emotional nightmare
ghosts of the past are seen in my future
demons and spirits arise from their graves
but here deep inside i pray for demise
demise of past its scripted in lies
but still i crave for me in your arms
back like it was before you conformed
conformed to perfection
but wait, cant you hear it
the clocks run out 3 2 1 0
the piolet has lost control
casuities are counted as the dust settles
no knowledge of a bomb
in my own head i have lost control
and down the hall i run back to past arms
empty head,full heart,dug grave
back 6ft down i go

everyday stays tucked away
every tear is held back here

holding back every day
heart an soul cant take no more
building up untill the bordem makes me bleed
no more pretending
mind seems to slow again creating this depression
no longer help to turn to,i turn to myself
advice from a new friend uncramps my mind
the passion looks ezer to find

sleepless nights of rutine silence
sleepless nights of rutine violence
fuling war within my heart
between reality an obsession
no matter how i wish it never ends
no matter what i try it seems to blend

>Double Dizzy Eyes<

Im so tired of being here
wanna find myself again
get out of the shadow
this nightmare that im in
i was better off that way
iv had the experience
no im done
dont laugh at me
i know you think im stupid
just look at yourself
but yet im confused
completly die
so i can i start over fresh
ugly E that haunts me
taunting me
controlling me
maybe one last time
wish it never was
but it wont be
cant be that intoxicating
not for me
forever daized
long lasting effects
so what
im not purfect
defiance seen in
dizzy eyes

.:Happy Tears:.

finally found you
my angle was sent to me
now if i didnt have you
dont no what id do
longing for your soft touch apon my face
my puzzled life feels now complete
falls back into pieces when your not around
picked up my shaterd sadness
now falls tears of joy on my pillow
as i lay awake an think of you
intsead of sad an lonelyness
i know now dreams come true
for me an you
such a simple fairly tale
hopfully no ending this time
even when were apart the tears remain happy
cold tears of missing you
fall apon the paper as i think about you
i will no longer be alone
even when your not here
your still on my mind an missed all the time
everytime i fall
your sweet touch puts me back on my feet
i know now dreams come true
for me an you
such a simple fairy tale
hopfully with no ending
these type of tears still happy
as they hit the paper
that i write to my dear

"Keep me"

I know deep inside you may not believe my feelings and wurds
reasons why, I know
but I need not a reason to love you.
warm and safe inside myself
your close voice brings a smile then tear
feeling caged an tortured with no way to get to you.
great restraint from the habits
never wanting to lose you for blood.
longing to show you how much I care
if not a scar, then what?
So I give you what's left of my heart
with a signature of tears.
Time grows longer with a cold future
who will walk me through the dark?
Always beside me is what I need
wish we could skip through time
 edit what sadends us
finally able to grow up and discover the real love
for now I dry this blood
dull this blade
I turn these feelings to dust
so they can drift to you
and when you understand
put them into a jar
an keep me by

--Times 3--

a creative craving
so many side to myself
the parts i want to be fail
i think you know the rest
emotional chaos is the best ingredent
whats next? who knows
lifes too short to let disisons linger on
up & down feelings
taunting why im still here
flowing without stoping
teary reality pushing suicide away for now
given a new job, purpose to you help you
cant save every stray
but once you have their heart, dont lye
no need to worry or fret, im fine
as long as my spirit is kept busy
your smile & touch is my theorpy
admire happyness from afar
even if its sad
crying is just a way to excerize your heart

=4 the gold=

no matter what-no matter when
dreams broken shaterd again
hopes i chase inside my head
usaly leads me to tears on my bed
no obsessed-not insane
everyday i gain more pain
always coming up second or last
i think i attach too fast
greedy and childish maybe
cant anyone help me?
stubord mind met jelouse heart
always dreaming needing to restart
my pattern of now makes sence
what to choose and at what expence
never feeling good enough not an A plus
and as i say will there ever be an "us"?

more coming later


"I want you to have a pair of my wet panties"-SB

Cracker Kat! (naw i ant obsessed O.o)